


Sorry, I’m Sorry

by HeylelAndGoldenWings



Series: The Avenger Babies [11]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcoholism, Baby!Tony, Daddy!Steve, Daddy!Thor, Drug Abuse, Little!Loki, Little!Tony, Loki and Tony are best friends basically, M/M, Mentions of alcoholism, Non-Sexual Age Play, Other, Papa!Bucky, Thunderstorms, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of heavy drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 07:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18795430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeylelAndGoldenWings/pseuds/HeylelAndGoldenWings
Summary: Tony gets drunk again. It leads to some serious discussions about his past drug and alcohol use.





	Sorry, I’m Sorry

Tony tugs anxiously at Thor’s sleeve. The wind is howling outside, and usually he doesn’t mind thunderstorms, but Daddy and Papa are gone. 

 

Loki sits cross-legged on the couch and reads a picture book.  They’re quiet, for once in their life, and Tony wonders if something happened early. Huh. 

 

“Little one,” Thor speaks to Tony.  “Loki often enjoys the rain, and since the thunder and lightning have subsided, I was wondering if you would like to venture outside for some play time.”

 

“But it’s night,” Tony mumbles, eyes wide and confused. “Daddy and Papa don’t let me go out at night.”

 

“Tis only evening,” Thor disagrees. “Come along.”

 

Tony squeaks excitedly and stands, waiting impatiently as Thor scoops up Loki. Loki wiggles a bit to get comfortable, but stays silent otherwise, staring at Tony as they head to the elevator.

 

When they’re outside, Loki immediately squirms out of Thor’s grasps and  _ dives  _ into a puddle. They get back on their feet, shivering and wet, but with a bright smile on their face. 

 

Tony squeals and copies them. Eventually, when there both sufficiently soaked, Loki speaks. They sit in a puddle, rain pelting down on them, but neither care. Thor watches some distance away. “You’d like it in Asgard,” they say with a timid smile. “I liked it there. Miss it.”

 

Tony thinks for a moment, then responds, “I miss College. When it was just Rhodey and me.”

 

Loki hums apologetically, glancing down at the water beneath them. Without meeting Tony’s eyes, they speak, “It must be weird to you that I call him Daddy when he is my brother.” 

 

Tony shrugs and shakes his head, before grabbing Loki’s hand and intertwining their fingers. For a moment, he thinks about this. About how much he hated Loki, but- but Loki is good, now. Just misunderstood. Tony pulls them into a hug, and admits, “I don’t think it’s weird at all. Besides, you’re not really related.”

 

Loki shivers, and then pulls away hesitantly. “Tell me about your Daddy and Papa.”

 

“Daddy likes to coddle me. He thinks if I’m left in the workshop alone too long I’ll, like, die. It hasn’t happened yet, so I don’t know the problem. Papa agrees. Also can’t go down there when I’m little. Stupid. Wanna work.”

 

Loki giggles. “You’re good at that. I’m good at shape shifting. Daddy also says I’m good at dying.”

 

“Really? How!” Tony gasps, mouth hanging open. 

 

“I trick him a lot. I’ve never actually died. And I won’t, I promised him.”

 

“Wow!”

 

“Yeah! And I want a snake. But he says no.”

 

“Snakes are so cool,” Tony agrees.  “I want a whale, but Daddy says we totally can’t have one. Except we totally could, I have the money, and everything, and it would be so cool! And I’d give it enough space and I’d be able to touch it and stuff!”

 

Loki lets put a tiny shriek of delight. “Your Daddy and Papa should-“

 

The clearing of a throat interrupts their conversation. Tony glances up and groans when he sees Papa. This means he’s going to need a bath. As if on cue, though, thunder crashes in the distance and Tony leaps to his feet, wetting his diaper and clinging to Papa all in the course of a second. 

 

“Papa,” he sniffles. “Papa.”

 

“Hey, doll,” Papa greets, scooping up his drenched baby.  “Hello, Loki. How’re you?”

 

“Good,” Loki replies. “Wanna hang out with Tony more.”

 

Tony nods his consent. 

 

“Well, I think that can be arranged. But right now I’m going to steal my baby away; Daddy is getting awfully antsy waiting for him up in the tower.”

 

“He’s afwaid is the storm,” Loki cackles. 

 

“Yeah! Daddy scaredy cat.”

 

Papa rolls his eye fondly and makes his leave with Tony, nodding to Thor as they walk away. Tony plays with Papa’s hair and curls as close as he can to him. “Had fun, did you, little hero?”

 

“Yes!” Tony laughs happily.  “Loki is really cool.”

 

Once they step onto Tony’s floor, Steve comes rushing forward. “Baby,” he groans, snatching him from Bucky. “It’s been too long.”

 

“I agree,” Papa speaks from behind Tony. 

 

Tony thinks for a moment, then kisses Daddy’s cheek, and struggles out of his arms. “Diaper,” he whines. 

 

That long night leads to more long nights.

 

***

 

Tony grunts apologetically at Dummy, who’s beeping sadly at him. It’s late at night, or early early morning. Whatever way is preferred. He has a cup of coffee beside him, along with a bottle of wine, which he’s been drinking off and on throughout the night. If Bucky and Steve were here, they’d be disappointed. But they had gone out with Natasha, Clint and Coulson for a dinner, then probably to a club of some sort. Tony had said he’d felt sick and would rather stay, but  _ insisted  _ they go. 

 

So here he is. Sipping coffee, chugging booze, and messing around with his newest invention. It’s good to work with no distractions; only music blaring and Dummy complaining, but these remind him of the days before Bucky and Steve. Not the best days, perhaps, but he’d had this good moments. 

 

Tony lets out a tiny cheer and takes an excited swig of alcohol as he figures out the issue. Dummy beeps in congratulations. 

 

Tony sets his work down, considering. He supposes he should eat something, but he feels dizzy and kind of sick from all the alcohol, and he also has to piss. He wishes desperately in that moment that he’d thought of putting a diaper on, but regrettably, he had not.  

 

JARVIS interrupts his thoughts.  “James is back,” he speaks calmly.  “I would advise that you perhaps change your clothes.”  

 

Tony curses quietly and looks down.  There are a few specks of red on his jeans- no biggy, really, he’d just spilled some wine- but his eyes widen in horror when he realizes that his jeans are also wet.  

 

“Oh no,” he whispers, and a few tears slip past his eyes.  He shudders and curls up into as tight of a ball as he can.  “Oh no.”

 

He doesn’t move for a while, just sits in his slowly drying pants.  He stares at his hands sadly. He thinks he might vomit, too, partially from the alcohol but also because he truly had been feeling sick before.  

 

He sobs when a hand is placed on his shoulder.  He knows instantly that it’s Bucky. “Buck,” he manages through gasps.  “‘M sorry. Not little. Please- I-I-”

 

“Hey, shh.  None of that, now,” Bucky comforts.   “But you’re drunk and tired, okay? Let’s get you upstairs and changed.”

 

Tony nods.  He lacks the energy to argue.  A while later, after they’re both in the shower and Bucky is washing him carefully, Tony learns that Steve had stayed behind to play with Clint.  Tony doesn’t really mind; it’s nice to have some time alone with Bucky. 

 

“You should tell me what happened,” Bucky brings up the topic they’ve both been avoiding.

 

Tony knows there’s no way out of it, so he slurs it out as simply as he knows how.  “I drink when I’m sad or anxious and want to be happier. So I drank. Accidentally spilled some. Happens a lot.  Not a big deal.” 

 

“It is to me,” Bucky disagrees.  They dry off together and then head to the couch.  “If you don’t want to be little, that’s fine. But if you do, I want to take care of you, baby.  If you need to be little more often… it’s okay.”

 

“I miss alcohol,” Tony admits.  “When you guys took it all away I was sad.  I bought more. I miss it. I know it’s bad.  Which is why I don’t drink it all the time.”

 

“I wish you wouldn’t drink it at all,” Bucky sighs.  “But if taking it away just makes it worse, then I guess we shouldn’t do it.”

,

“Papa,” Tony tries, finally.  “I try really hard to be happy and it doesn’t always work.”

 

A tear slips past Bucky’s eyes.  “Oh, doll. Steve and I will always try to make you happier.  We will keep trying, until the day we die. We love you so much.”

 

Tony crawls into his lap and falls asleep there.

 

***

  
  


Tony is supposed to be playing with Clint, but Clint has been shoving him around all day, and he’s getting exhausted.  He doesn’t mind being shoved around- it’s kind of fun because he gets to shove Clint around, too. But he’s  _ so tired,  _ and he had big plans to hide away in his workshop tonight.  He can’t do that if he falls asleep early with Bucky and Steve.  

 

Loki is messing around with Natasha some distance away.  When Tony looks back at Clint, it’s obvious the boy is distracted. He’s banging on a building block. Tony sighs and slowly stands, not in the mood to crawl.  Besides, he’s not even feeling little. Why should he have to have a play date if he isn’t even in the right mindset? Coulson looks at him and raises an eyebrow. All the other Avengers are out; Bucky and Steve are with  _ Sam _ , who Tony doesn’t know, and Bucky insists he’s not that great anyway. Tony doesn’t really care; so long as they come home to him at the end of the day. Thor had some things to do in Asgard, and he promised Loki he’d take him back next time. Bruce is in his lab. 

 

Tony decides now is as good of time as any to enjoy the nice weather, so he waves goodbye to all the littles and mutters to Coulson that he’s just not feeling it right now.

 

After changing into a suit, he makes his leave, planning on visiting Peter. It’s been a while since he’s seen the boy; it couldn’t hurt to go say hi. 

 

The walk to Peter and his Aunt’s place wouldn’t have been unwelcome, but he decides to call a cab anyway. 

 

Tony ends up going out to eat with the teenager, and when they’re done it’s quite late. Tony wonders if there’ll be consequences; he knows it must not look good. Still, he hasn’t snuck off, exactly. Why should he have to tell people where he’s going if he’s not feeling little?

 

He shuffles onto his floor, hair sweaty from nervousness and eyes drooping with sleepiness.   He can hear the crackle of the TV, and if he tries hard enough the low voices of Bucky and Steve, too.

 

Sad and a bit disheveled, Tony steps into the living room.  Silence hangs in the air, and Tony stares at his feet.

 

“What the fuck,” Steve curses, and Tony knows that he’s standing, now.  But he doesn’t make a move toward Tony, so Tony stays quiet and sniffles.

 

“When we got home, Coulson said you’d gone away because you weren’t feeling little.  We expected you to be in the workshop. You weren’t, and nobody knew where the hell you went.”  Bucky sounds disappointed. 

 

For a second, he thinks of just letting it happen. Let them yell. Let them be angry. Then he decides that, no, he won’t. He won’t  _ do that  _ again.  His head snaps up and he scowls.  “I shouldn’t have to tell you where the fuck I’m going if I’m not in my headspace.  I’m a grown man that’s perfectly capable of taking care of myself,  _ thank you very much.   _ Can’t a guy catch a break?”  For emphasis, he slams his hand down on his thigh.  It kinda hurts, but it isn’t really a big deal, so he forces himself not to flinch.  

 

Tony makes his leave, and absolutely crumples when he gets to the workshop. He makes sure Bucky and Steve have  _ no  _ access, then curls up in a corner and sobs. He doesn’t understand why he’s been feeling so shitty lately. But he can’t tell anyone.  All the urges that he’s been hiding for so many years resurface; he just wants to do all awful things he did in college. At least they’d ease the pain. 

 

Maybe an hour later, JARVIS speaks up.  “James and Steven are requesting access.  They insist.”

 

Tony doesn’t have any other solution than to let him in, so he stands, rubs furiously at his eyes, and plops down in a chair to at least pretend he’d been doing some work the whole time.  He tells JARVIS to re-allow access.

 

None of them speak for a while,  Tony fidgets with a Bop-It, the noise of the game loud but welcome.  He has to swallow a few times to stop from choking on a sob.

 

FInally,  _ finally,  _ Bucky says, “Sweetie, you’re right.  We’re sorry. You don’t have to tell us where you’re going if you’re not feeling little.  We were just worried.”

 

Tony stares at this hands, then drops the Bop-It onto his desk and flings himself at Bucky.  “Papa!” He wails. “Don’t like it when you’re mad.”

 

“I was never really mad,” Papa comforts, and leads him over to Daddy, who’s sitting on the couch.  He pulls Tony into his lap, and Tony absolutely melts.

 

“I do have a question,” Steve eventually says.  “I need to know… did you drink anything tonight, little hero?”

 

“No,” Tony says, and for once it isn’t a lie.  “Don’t want to be like in College. Not really.”

 

Papa and Daddy share a look.  “We need to talk to you about that, actually.  Do you want to do it now or wait until your in big space?”

 

“Now,” Tony says, but really means never.

 

“Okay,” Papa hums in understanding and runs a hand through Tony’s hair.  “DId you do drugs?”

  
“Yes.  I smoked a lot of weed.  When I was partying and Rhodey wasn’t around I used Ecstasy.  Once... “ his voice drops to a whisper, “once I tried LSD. It was a bad trip.  Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I never want to do that again.”

 

“Please don’t,” Daddy quickly huffs.   “If you have a problem, please come to us.”

 

“It’s not that easy,” Tony admits, then falls quiet.  He doesn’t want to continue this conversation, and neither do Papa or Daddy, it seems.  They each take a turn hugging him, then all three of them curl up on the couch together.  

 

They’ll be okay, Tony thinks.  Even if he does fuck up again. It’ll be okay.   

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
